My Idol

My Idol
" The real head of the family…low-voiced, incisive and subtle, smiles are rare…ruined beauty…contemptuous and original and with fierce family loyalty…even in disposition, muted, witty, sometimes deadly…given to low-keyed rhapsodies about her garden of deadly nightshade, henbane and dwarf’s hair..."- Charles Addams description of Morticia Addams

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Back and Better than Clever

I just poured my heart out in this blog for the last 45 minutes just to have it lost in the abyss of the I will try to sum up probably one of my most heartfelt and honest writings into a 5 minute blurb that will probably sound a lot less heartfelt and very matter of fact because quite honestly i'm upset it was lost!  So here it goes...I'm back at this blog thing, going to try it out again.  A lot has happened in the last year...I was diagnosed with severe post partum depression when Wolfie was 8 months and it was exacerbated by the divorce, custody and not yet having a job.  I regret not getting help earlier and missing out on enjoying those first 8 months of my precious boy but that brings me to today...I am happier then I have ever been and enjoying every small thing life has to offer.  Though I may not always get along with my family I sure as hell love and appreciate them all.  My mother and stepfather and dad do so very much for me as well as my extended family.  My Aunt "Nana" takes care of Wolfie as well as my mother and he absolutely loves her!  He loves all my cousins and their children and has a strong affinity for Uncle Matthew who will teach him all he needs to know about the History of Heavy Metal and how to grow a beard.  My family is truly one of a kind!  My "friendships" have certainly been tested and I'm beginning to see who the important people are.  Now that i'm discovering who I am I have been very particular about the company we keep and am trying hard to put effort into those that are truly worth it and trying to nurture those relationships.  Dating...ehhh...not happening.  I dated someone for 2 months and it just wasn't right, my standards for love have really changed and right now I am not ready to bring anyone else into our lives. My divorce is final, I have full custody and rights to Wolfie, and I have a fantastic job with great hours and benefits...good things are happening...finally.  Honestly, I believe through the birth of my son and some forced self reflection I've realized I have lived my life being comfortably miserable.  My life is headed in such an amazing and richer direction now and I have never been this happy.  I recently joined the YMCA with my talented and beautiful friend Jeni and we will be taking classes there and swimming with Sully and I will also be putting him in gymnastics!  I am trying to get out there and do things for both him and myself.  I want us to have a rich and fullfilling life.  Charles Darwin said, "A man who dares to waste one hour of time, has not discovered the value of life."  I have discovered this value finally in every smile, every cup of coffee, every uncontrollable baby giggle, every lazy Sunday in a Shirt and tube socks, every light hearted conversation with a friend, every breeze, every full moon...etc.  I'm getting better and stronger every day...and loving every minute.

No comments:

Post a Comment