Back and Better than Clever

I just poured my heart out in this blog for the last 45 minutes just to have it lost in the abyss of the internet...so I will try to sum up probably one of my most heartfelt and honest writings into a 5 minute blurb that will probably sound a lot less heartfelt and very matter of fact because quite honestly i'm upset it was lost!  So here it goes...I'm back at this blog thing, going to try it out again.  A lot has happened in the last year...I was diagnosed with severe post partum depression when Wolfie was 8 months and it was exacerbated by the divorce, custody and not yet having a job.  I regret not getting help earlier and missing out on enjoying those first 8 months of my precious boy but that brings me to today...I am happier then I have ever been and enjoying every small thing life has to offer.  Though I may not always get along with my family I sure as hell love and appreciate them all.  My mother and stepfather and dad do so very much for me as well as my extended family.  My Aunt "Nana" takes care of Wolfie as well as my mother and he absolutely loves her!  He loves all my cousins and their children and has a strong affinity for Uncle Matthew who will teach him all he needs to know about the History of Heavy Metal and how to grow a beard.  My family is truly one of a kind!  My "friendships" have certainly been tested and I'm beginning to see who the important people are.  Now that i'm discovering who I am I have been very particular about the company we keep and am trying hard to put effort into those that are truly worth it and trying to nurture those relationships.  Dating...ehhh...not happening.  I dated someone for 2 months and it just wasn't right, my standards for love have really changed and right now I am not ready to bring anyone else into our lives. My divorce is final, I have full custody and rights to Wolfie, and I have a fantastic job with great hours and benefits...good things are happening...finally.  Honestly, I believe through the birth of my son and some forced self reflection I've realized I have lived my life being comfortably miserable.  My life is headed in such an amazing and richer direction now and I have never been this happy.  I recently joined the YMCA with my talented and beautiful friend Jeni and we will be taking classes there and swimming with Sully and I will also be putting him in gymnastics!  I am trying to get out there and do things for both him and myself.  I want us to have a rich and fullfilling life.  Charles Darwin said, "A man who dares to waste one hour of time, has not discovered the value of life."  I have discovered this value finally in every smile, every cup of coffee, every uncontrollable baby giggle, every lazy Sunday in a Shirt and tube socks, every light hearted conversation with a friend, every breeze, every full moon...etc.  I'm getting better and stronger every day...and loving every minute.

Put on Your Sunday Best Kids....We're Going to Sears.

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Today I woke up excited to go to a bookstore.  I then thought to myself, well, I could just order it online.  I loathe that I even have that option.  Sure, technology is great...convenient and helpful, but I really thought about it, as I lay in bed listening to the sounds of my child crying at the fact that his brute force couldn't rip the piano off of his exersaucer, I thought is this really the world my child is going to grow up in?  One where everything is so dang easy?  One where you no longer are able to enjoy the ambiance of a store, where you actually search out and seek what you are looking for, perhaps finding and learning about other things along the way?  One where you only have to even type the first 5 letters of "The Addams Family" before the search engine already guesses what you were looking for?  I really really am angry that I myself, get sucked in by this "oh so convenient method of shopping."  When I was a child it was an event to go shopping, a privledge, not a right....you put on your Sunday best and went to Sears.  Nowadays, people can get whatever they want, whenever they want it...everything has got to be fast and easy.  Shopping is no longer a family bonding experience.  I am hoping perhaps I can slow myself down a little and get back to basics and therefore modeling for my child that having an actual experience of seeking out and searching for something that you want is something good to do and to SLOW down a little.  No wonder these kids have A.D.D. these days...it's all too much....even shopping!  And let's not even get me started on cell phones....that will have to have it's own entire different post.  Well, it's time to go put on Sullivan and I's Sunday best...we are going to Barnes and Noble!!!

Never Underestimate the Power of Shower

Before Wolfie came along pampering myself included buying a new outfit, a mani/pedi, a Starbucks coffee, and getting my hair styled.  Now pampering comes in the form of necessary hygiene, such as: showering, brushing teeth, and maybe if i'm lucky...shaving my legs!!!!  Now don't get me wrong, my number one priority, like most Mamas, is to keep my boy happy and safe; however, making myself feel human enough to do that is helping.  I'm starting to get the balance between being a complete slob and a selfish diva.  I've found that spending just a little time (carefully timed between naps and him sitting in his swing or bouncer) on myself getting something as simple as a shower or doing my hair makes a world of difference in how I feel and I believe also resignating into how positive I am for the day.  I almost feel like when you are able to take that time to feel good about yourself it's like putting on your armor to get through the day confidently, even if your having a day where you don't feel so confident.  I officially see why my friend Tracey would think I brought her a million dollars on the days I would come over and watch her little ones just so she could shower.  After tonights complete pampering...all inclusive with hair washing AND flossing, if you can believe it, I've decided I will take the time to take care of myself and at least use it as some personal time to "cleanse" any negativity off of me.  Bonus will be taking some time to workout and get my body back, and do some ninja type hair and makeup skills because we all know on the lack of sleep you get from a baby who still gets up 2 to 4 times a night....I can't wake up looking like Morticia!

Who Let the Blogs Out???

Sooo, I'm new to this blog thing but thought it would be a great way to document my new life as a new Mom and all the fun, fear, craziness, and love I have been experiencing in this new chapter (heck, I think it's a new book) of my life.  I have gone from getting married young, to a tumultuous divorce, to losing a job that I made my life, to getting into a depression that made me feel like my life had no purpose....I was simply existing.  I was then blessed have my beautiful son, and though the circumstances in which he came into this world were less than stellar, he has brought new life to my....well...life.  I am hoping to use this to journal about my new life as a proud Mother of the best little Monster this side of the Mason Dixon!